becoming a runner

which is different than someone who runs

147 runs, 500 miles

This Saturday (5/17) I'll be running my second half marathon from Prospect Park to Coney Island. It's been about a year and a half since I started running, but it feels like I'm just now beginning to feel like a runner. I started running end of 2023 not to become a runner, but to find my way back to myself. After all the loss and grief of that year, running was a way to build up trust, confidence, momentum in myself to move on. And running the first half marathon last year was a milestone on a path of healing and not despair.

During the race, I hit a physical wall with how far and fast I could physically run, and strained the tendons in my right knee. There's a version of me that could have stopped running after that race, knowing I ran a half marathon, but I wanted to keep going. That's when the shift from running to heal to running to run started. I spent the rest of the year working with a coach to heal my knee and build better balance, posture, and coordination in my body.

I started training in earnest the beginning of this year for the race this weekend, but it wasn't until last week something clicked. It's like when I first got into music theory after playing guitar for a few years. All the technicalities and nuances of aerobic thresholds, Vo2max, etc. clicked and made sense as I connected them to my running practice. I had a history of runs to analyze and see what my foundation was and what I needed to do to build on it. I put structure around how I was attuning to my body's heart rate and pacing during a long run. That's runner language and thinking! And I would have never understood it if I didn't first run to heal and make it to my own starting line.

I also started looking ahead to next year. New York City has one of the most beloved marathons in the world. If I run 9 NYC races this year and volunteer for one, I can get guaranteed entry into the marathon. So I have 8 other races planned for this year, so the half this Saturday is actually the kickoff to the next year and half of training for the marathon in November.

Since working for myself in my mid twenties, I've never gone this deep into anything purely for myself. I've only let myself spend this much time and energy on something if I was able to make money from it, or build a business around it. Running is purely for my enjoyment and pleasure. I can't wait to plan my days and weeks around the training, and let everything else in my life fall into place.