I enjoyed reading this Minnow - Such a familiar nerve-wracking feeling, I felt like I was there with you haha - "Working hard for what I want is something I can control, something I can boast about, and feel secure in. But receiving what I need, without any merit and allowing myself to be loved, forgiven, and accepted feels threatening and undeserving." I felt this deep in my heart and need to think about how much grace is something that I don't have to resist.
A beautifully written story, Minnow. That last line was perfect. Way to close the piece!
Your story reminds me of a time when I was playing in a wedding band and had a moment that should have been horrible but turned out actually to be pretty great. Maybe I'll write about it. Yeah; that would be kinda fun. It has grace in abundance.
Minnow!!! This was just brilliant!! I feel like the theme this weekend is how we live in currency. If we give, we should get in return. If we get, we should always give back. If we produce, we should get clicks and likes. If we work hard, we should get rewarded. If we fail, we should get punished (or double punished in this case!!) But what if Grace meant there was no exchange? We give just to give. And we humbly receive our gifts no strings attached? We produce just to put art into the world? And yes, when we screw up, we apologize but don’t wait in perma-flinch for the return blow? I’m so grateful I read this this morning! And I’m grateful your career pressed onward despite the snafu 😅
E.L., thank you for such a thoughtful comment, and I love how you are receiving this as we should also be the ones to be gracious as much as we receive grace. And I think that's totally true. Receiving grace changes us in a way where it's not about "paying it forward" which goes back to the currency idea you mentioned, but it's a way of love and flow that allows our egos to be in check. So great. thank you!
Dang. I’m on Substack tryna get to my brilliant sista from anotha mista’s (Sez Kristiansen’s) page and just straight up let myself (gracefully?) fall down deep into this Substack rabbit hole with your work, none of which I’d never read before today. My middle name is Grace, so I’ve thought about the meaning of Grace and my central identity within it since I was a little girl. I’m left now with far more unanswered questions than answers, which (having also felt quite validated by your co-authored FUQ’s article that led me here) is feels uncomfortably, exactly right. Thanks, Minnow.
Such a beautiful ending. I also have trouble receiving grace. Why is it so much easier to give than to receive? At least that’s my experience. I’m easier on others than on myself.
I can speak for myself in that in some twisted way, giving grace to others actually bolsters my ego because i feel so... gracious. Receiving grace though and receiving it fully is humiliating to the ego, which is what i want but so painful and hard.
This was so good, Minnow!
high praise coming from you friend!
I enjoyed reading this Minnow - Such a familiar nerve-wracking feeling, I felt like I was there with you haha - "Working hard for what I want is something I can control, something I can boast about, and feel secure in. But receiving what I need, without any merit and allowing myself to be loved, forgiven, and accepted feels threatening and undeserving." I felt this deep in my heart and need to think about how much grace is something that I don't have to resist.
A beautifully written story, Minnow. That last line was perfect. Way to close the piece!
Your story reminds me of a time when I was playing in a wedding band and had a moment that should have been horrible but turned out actually to be pretty great. Maybe I'll write about it. Yeah; that would be kinda fun. It has grace in abundance.
would love to read it!
Minnow!!! This was just brilliant!! I feel like the theme this weekend is how we live in currency. If we give, we should get in return. If we get, we should always give back. If we produce, we should get clicks and likes. If we work hard, we should get rewarded. If we fail, we should get punished (or double punished in this case!!) But what if Grace meant there was no exchange? We give just to give. And we humbly receive our gifts no strings attached? We produce just to put art into the world? And yes, when we screw up, we apologize but don’t wait in perma-flinch for the return blow? I’m so grateful I read this this morning! And I’m grateful your career pressed onward despite the snafu 😅
E.L., thank you for such a thoughtful comment, and I love how you are receiving this as we should also be the ones to be gracious as much as we receive grace. And I think that's totally true. Receiving grace changes us in a way where it's not about "paying it forward" which goes back to the currency idea you mentioned, but it's a way of love and flow that allows our egos to be in check. So great. thank you!
Nice story, Minnow!
Dang. I’m on Substack tryna get to my brilliant sista from anotha mista’s (Sez Kristiansen’s) page and just straight up let myself (gracefully?) fall down deep into this Substack rabbit hole with your work, none of which I’d never read before today. My middle name is Grace, so I’ve thought about the meaning of Grace and my central identity within it since I was a little girl. I’m left now with far more unanswered questions than answers, which (having also felt quite validated by your co-authored FUQ’s article that led me here) is feels uncomfortably, exactly right. Thanks, Minnow.
Such a beautiful ending. I also have trouble receiving grace. Why is it so much easier to give than to receive? At least that’s my experience. I’m easier on others than on myself.
right??
I can speak for myself in that in some twisted way, giving grace to others actually bolsters my ego because i feel so... gracious. Receiving grace though and receiving it fully is humiliating to the ego, which is what i want but so painful and hard.
Mmmm that's a very perceptive way to put it. There's a power dynamic involved.
yeah there is. but when we show it to ourselves, like you said we are, in a way, giving ourselves power. and love.
beautiful. thank you for writing
Thanks for this, Minnow!
thanks for reading brother!
What a great story! :)
hahah thanks for reading man!